Playlist: Sage Tyrtle's Portfolio
I tell true stories. Step into my odd life. It's just me and you. And the story.
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You Look Lonely
From Sage Tyrtle | Part of the True Stories series | 08:52
A true story. When my best friend broke up with me, I wished her dead. Then she had a brain hemorrhage.
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When I was 12 years old, I was the ugliest kid in school. I was the fattest kid in school. I was the kid that didn't even get a Valentine's Day card from the nice Christian kids. And so one day I'm standing in front of the classroom, waiting for class to start, and this girl walks up to me. She says, "You look lonely. I see you every day eating lunch by yourself in the library. I think you should come and eat lunch with me, and my friends."
So begins this true story of my very first best friend. When our friendship eventually exploded, I wished her dead every day for two weeks straight. And then she had a brain hemorrhage. Funny and sad, this real story will resonate with anyone who ever had to go through the perils of seventh grade.
California Girl
From Sage Tyrtle | Part of the True Stories series | 05:39
"In 1979, the Beach Boys are still all over the radio. Wishing we could ALL be California Girls. You are not a very good good California Girl, despite the fact that you live in Santa Barbara. You are seven years old. With a scarred upper lip, a mushy nose, and crodgy teeth. You are about as far away from a doll by a palm tree on the sand as it is possible to get..."
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- Sage Tyrtle
"In 1979, the Beach Boys are still all over the radio. Wishing we could ALL be California Girls. You are not a very good good California Girl, despite the fact that you live in Santa Barbara. You are seven years old. With a scarred upper lip, a mushy nose, and crodgy teeth. You are about as far away from a doll by a palm tree on the sand as it is possible to get..."
By the time I was 15, my dad was explaining that he'd pay for my nosejob. A nosejob I never asked for. Little girls in California are told urgently and often that they aren't pretty enough. A lyrical second-person memory of what WAS beautiful about my childhood.
Even a Newspaper Can Protect You From The Atomic Bomb
From Sage Tyrtle | 06:34
What if you knew your teacher was lying to you? In 1956, ten year old Carolyn Himmer watched the classic "Duck and Cover" film in school, knowing it was utter nonsense. Audio from the film short is intertwined with Carolyn's funny childhood memories.