I had the same reaction to this story as to the other piece about "getting raised" from Hopi High: It's a good first draft, but it's not finished.
The reader is too far from the mike, and I can hear his jacket and papers rustling. Particularly in a first-person, intimate reflection such as this, those technical problems are a big distraction.
Felix, your voice is heartfelt and I'm interested in your experiences. I think you need to work on your writing and delivery. The story drifts, and your voice rambles. With a careful re-write and a new recording, this could be greatly improved.
Review of Getting Raised 2
Jenny Asarnow
Posted on January 08, 2007 at 03:36 PM
I had the same reaction to this story as to the other piece about "getting raised" from Hopi High: It's a good first draft, but it's not finished.
The reader is too far from the mike, and I can hear his jacket and papers rustling. Particularly in a first-person, intimate reflection such as this, those technical problems are a big distraction.
Felix, your voice is heartfelt and I'm interested in your experiences. I think you need to work on your writing and delivery. The story drifts, and your voice rambles. With a careful re-write and a new recording, this could be greatly improved.