I remember always seeing those VH1 commercials to "save the music," but I didn't really take them seriously. But after hearing your piece, I realized why it is so important to surround yourself with it.Your piece brilliantly emphasizes the fact that music brings people together and that it is way of passing on from older generations to younger generations. What makes this piece so excellent is that your own personal experiences with your fake-adopted granfather are sprinkled throughout.I myself am actually trying to learn to play the guitar. When I need inspiration and encouragment, I'll think of this story!!!

I'm glad you covered this event, because I don't think it was highly publicized. This was good investigative journalism! Eliminating HIV and AIDS starts with youth, so it was great that you had hard-hitting questions about their involvement and talked to the youth themselves. What makes it so powerful is what I see as almost the centerpiece of your story: the interview with Desmond. I think that you needed to introduce him and relate his connection to youth earlier on--he seems to pop up out of nowhere! But, all in all I enjoyed listening to your radio journal, and I can't wait until the next one!

This is a great expository peice. I had never known about a ruling that dealt with students' rights and for that matter, made it up to the Supreme Court. Very good breakdown of this 1969 Supreme Court case. But I think the main difference here between the '69 case and '03 incident you compare are the time, place, and manner restrictions that come into play. Wearing a black arm band is a bit different than wearing a shirt of President Bush that says, "International Terrorist." The only thing I was left confused about was if schools make their own policy on what is disruptive to the normal flow of school, or if they follow the precedent set out in the 69' case dealing with the armbands. Despite the lack of clarity on that issue, this was a good analysis of students' rights in the past and present.

Your voice is crystal clear and steady on this piece. Your levels are totally awesome too! The purpose of your story is made quite clear at the beginning and I simply love it. You got to talk to people from lots of different settings where icebreakers are used and you got sound clips of them (very important). The only thing I suggest you work on is a few of the transitions with music and people's voices. I can tell this story was well thought out, because organizationally it makes sense. Congrats on an amazing piece. I hope to hear more!

Wow! I extremely enjoyed this piece. I mean where else but on PRX could you hear something like this? It is very important to get HIV/AIDS awareness out there! You are such a natural Kerrel, the flow of your story is great! It's good that you let your recorder get all the ambient sound, because I feel like I'm in the bar with you. Your story is very important because AIDS is a very big threat and it's a very preventable disease. If we know first hand how people think of it (especially outside of the mainland US), there can be better prevention efforts. The only thing I would have wanted was something more to wrap up your piece with... Maybe some sort of quick blurb on the general feel of how the patrons of Oasis view HIV/AIDS prevention. It may sound repetitve, but it works to get through the essence of your story for someone who may not have gotten it while listening. I hope to hear more meaningful pieces from you!

Excellent narration Gloria. I really was into your story. Every moment I was waiting to hear your response to Julio. I was very sad after hearing the story and I almost shed a tear. I was a bit confused as to whether you were actually responding to Julio in writing and he was receiving it, or whether it was your personal response in the piece. What I really like in a piece is good sound. It would have been useful to use sounds for context as to where you were physically when you read these letters.

Gloria, just remember that people grow and change and that time heals all wounds. Good luck to you and your brother.

This story has the potential to be great. It just needs some TLC.

Let’s start off with the focus of the story. I was quite confused where you were taking me. In the beginning you talked about the similarities among the goals of religious schools, however, you didn’t expand on that. I think the most important part of your story is the first sentence. It lays the foundation for how the listener will interpret what they hear next. There are inconsistencies between the story and its description.

So I think you’re left with two options. You have the right tape to do both.

(1) Make the main point of you story more fully fit the description: young people are choosing religious schools because they offer something special.

(2) Change the description of your story. For example you could bring the point across that there are advantages and disadvantages of going to a religious school and here is why.

Irrespective of the above, great work with your levels and tape! I hope my suggestions help.

I think this is my favorite story of the month. The beginning is so touching and dramatic. Your voice is very clear and your elocution is beyond words. There is very nice imagery coupled with a musical ambiance. Simply put--Bravo. This piece really brought home the impact of war on our society. It makes you think critically about the implications if you’ve never experienced them.

It does truly belong in a Shakespearian tragedy as you put, because like so many of his plays, it demonstrates the virtues of human life in a surreal way. In this case we deal with pain and suffering due to war. The outro was artistic and profound.

Excellent job.

The content of your story was not bad, but if you cut some parts it would make the story shorter and easier to listen to (maybe use less descriptive words, or in some cases be less detailed?). Most typical radio stories run from three and a half to five minutes long, about the attention span of radio listeners!

Listening, I believe the meat of the story boils down to when you were talking to Jerry Brown one on one. You asked him very good questions. It was cool that you could talk to one of your elected officials and get some straight answers out of ‘em! I liked your reflections at the end in the restaurant. It was a good wrap up for your day and your story.

The reads in the story could be more enthusiastic and natural. I know it’s hard, I just completed my own story trying to get cuts right. My tip for better story telling would be to envision telling your story to one person, say your friend. Sometimes the thought of millions of people hearing your story can be intimidating. Truthfully, the radio or the computer playing your story will usually only have one person listening.

One more thing. What might also help (this is what I do) is to queue up your cuts, and then start your voicing coming out of them. You’ll get the right tone for whatever clip you are coming out of and you’ll get the energy of the clip (say if it’s exciting or even emotional).

By the way, I really like the musical selection all the way through. Nice work guyz!

I enjoyed listening to this story and I connected with Roberto, though I've never shared any of his experiences. I was able to recreate them because he gave visuals (like his first experience with snow). I liked the way the sound bytes were set up to show Roberto's journey from the Bahamas to his experiences in the US. It made the story easy to follow. Only one thing to comment about. I would've liked a little more direction towards the end of the story. Your piece ends kind of abruptly and leaves me hanging! A transition into the end would have been nice, for example, stating the conclusion Roberto had come to: America’s streets really aren’t paved with gold. The narration could be a bit more enthusiastic but overall, superb story.