Piece Comment

Review of Southwest Side Stories: Goodbye Playground, Goodbye Childhood


I like this reflection about enjoying a day in the park, remembering a childhood past. But I think the piece needs an introduction that explains more about Romana, the producer, and Tori, her friend.

Romana makes an unexplained reference about Tori early in the piece, and it confused me. Who is Tori and why does she matter? How does she figure in the piece? It ends out that the producer is crossing the playground to go find Tori, who is at home, and then they both return to the park.

I don't think the piece even needs Tori as a character. The producer could have written her essay just about her own memories and feelings. Her writing and delivery are expressive and I encourage her to continue developing her great, descriptive style. There is some ambient sound of the playground gates and sounds of children playing, but again, since the producer wants to include her friend, she could have recorded her and given her a true place in the story.

If this piece could be clearly set up, it would be worth running as a commentary.